Emotional Intelligence: Managing Mental Health in Free Agency
While we are technically in the NFL off-season, we are amid the musical chairs of what several media outlets have dubbed “the free agency frenzy”. As announcements are made about player (and coach) movement, it’s hard not to wonder about the emotional impact that undoubtedly comes with these transitions. Unfortunately, and despite the obvious emotional cost, there is no mention of what it must take to manage the uncertainty that comes with free agency, or adjusting to the next team, city, or in some cases, the end of an NFL career. In reality, this is not a world where self-awareness, particularly as it relates to emotional awareness—is encouraged.
Case in point, the other day a friend of mine challenged me to name 10 emotions. I consider myself pretty emotionally intelligent, yet I could only name about six in two minutes. A quick online search for the feelings wheel revealed more than one hundred emotions, many of which I have experienced but would not have been able to list or clearly articulate. Reflecting on this awareness, two questions came up: how much of the difficulty with naming emotions is a result of conditioning and socialization as a combination of race, gender, and employment in a sport that often teaches emotions are irrelevant? And how does that hurt or help in the transition into and through the NFL?
As I read through the emotions listed on the feelings wheel, I began to feel uncomfortable even reflecting on some of the emotions included. Again, I wondered about the cause of that discomfort and considered the experiences of some of my peers and the players we work with. We frequently acknowledge the importance of emotional intelligence and its contribution to success—in work, in life, and relationships. But how often do we ensure that our efforts to increase self-awareness emphasize the importance of emotional awareness along this journey?
As men - and black men in particular - it is essential to learn to identify and articulate our emotions. Self-awareness and self-regulation are two key components of emotional intelligence; however, we often limit the construct of self-awareness to knowing who we are at our core. Self-awareness has to start at the emotional level. This key learning can have generational effects. Asking who am I, goes beyond describing characteristics, personality, and skills that I possess or even the beliefs, values, and behavioral triggers I have, to include the emotions I experience and how I identify and articulate them.
This is only part of the deep work that needs to be done to reach complete self-awareness. The next phase of the journey is figuring out where the emotions originated. What exposure and experiences have brought these emotions to the forefront - and this can include both positive and negative emotions. It takes time, effort, and intentionally to do the difficult work of emotional mining; not every environment supports this level of awareness, and not everyone is willing to experience the level of discomfort that emotional awareness can sometimes bring.
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant suggests that the best way to accelerate growth is to embrace, seek, and amplify discomfort. In the world of emotional awareness, this does not mean allowing our emotions to take control. Rather, it calls out the need to be aware of the various emotions we experience and work through the discomfort to articulate and communicate those emotions.
It is a courageous decision to lean into our emotional wellness by learning to identify, articulate, and regulate our emotions. However, the greater levels of self-awareness that can result from this brave choice will serve us all well both personally and professionally including those while navigating the chaos and unpredictability of free agency in professional sports.
